A note to myself

This is a hard post to write, but I need to do it. Last night, my husband told me what a great mom I was to my step children (I hate that "step" word by the way)....how I got the kids to all their activities, how I kept a clean home, how I cooked meals & served them at the table, how I always kept the laundry done....he followed it with something that really stung. He said, but what things are you doing to build a closer relationship with them? It stung because its true. It's easy for me to do those lovey, mommy things with Reynolds & Sadie because I'm home all day with them and I've known everything about their life since birth. It's harder with Payton & Savannah because we are literally on the go from the time they get home from school until bedtime and they are naturally closer to their father. I feel like I have to run this tight ship at home to make sure it all gets done. But, when do I have those moments with them when we can just relax and enjoy one another? I've been killing myself thinking about this question for the past 13 hours since we had the conversation. I feel like a failure, I feel like I've done them an injustice, but I also feel like this is probably the way a lot of moms have felt at one time or another. So, what is the solution?? I can't say for sure but I can try to start doing some things to fix this.
My goals:
1-take the time to really talk to them about their day after school (even if its in the car on the way to some practice)
2-unplug. This is a big one. If my children and husband are with me & accounted for, there is no reason for me to be glued to my phone.
3-take a few minutes each day (even if its just 5) to spend one-on-one time with each child doing something they want to do
4-realize everything doesn't have to be perfect. The kids do not care if the floor is dirty...it can wait until they are at school the next day
5-give more hugs. Simple.
So, I am writing this post for my own benefit. To get these feelings out so I can stop beating myself up.
I hope when my kids remember me one day, they won't think about an OCD, efficient robo-mom, but a soft kind loving mom.
One of my favorite quotes...applies to so many areas of my life:
Finish everyday and be done with it.
Some blunders and absurdities no doubt crept in; forget them as soon as you can.
Tomorrow is a new day; you shall begin it serenely and with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense.
-Ralph Waldo Emerson